At the end of the night, she asked for my socials. I had met her at the hotel where I was staying for my military physical, and we had spent a lot of time talking and having fun together. I was there because I was preparing to leave. Meeting a woman I wanted to keep talking to hadn't been part of that plan.
We're both 20. That first meeting was a couple of months ago, and since then we've hung out a few times and talked every day. We've become comfortable around each other. There have been little hints of flirting, too, from both of us. Nothing so obvious that I can confidently call this the beginning of a relationship, but enough that I don't think of her as just someone I happened to meet at a hotel.
She's the first woman in a long time I've felt a real connection with. That's what makes this harder than simply deciding whether to ask someone on a date. I already like having her in my life. There's something lovely about getting to know someone past the first good conversation, finding that you still want to talk the next day and the day after that. I don't want to make our easy conversations uncomfortable by asking for something she doesn't want.
Then there are our departure dates. She's leaving for the Air Force this month. I'm leaving for the Coast Guard in February. Even if she feels the same way, we aren't heading into a stretch of life where seeing each other will be simple. We're joining different branches, and I expect our lives to look very different and take us far apart. I can't pretend that liking her would settle any of that.
It feels strange to be considering the difficulties of a long-distance relationship before I've even asked whether she'd like to date me. I don't know if she sees the flirting the way I do. I don't know whether she would want to start something before leaving. Those are separate questions, but in my head they've become tangled together: whether she likes me, whether we'd try, whether we'd have a chance.
I could tell her I'm interested without asking her to promise anything about February or wherever we end up. That would leave room for an answer about us now, even if the future stayed uncertain. It would also mean hearing that she only wants to be friends, or that the timing is enough to stop her. Keeping quiet would spare me that conversation, but she could leave without knowing that, for me, this has started to feel like more than friendship.
For now, we're still talking every day. Her departure is this month; mine is in February. I haven't told her how I feel.
