I’m forty, divorced after a seven-year marriage, and getting back into dating for real. I have plenty to think about already, but apparently my brain has found room for one more question: what are people going to assume when they see my tattoos?
I have a lot of them. A chest piece, a full sleeve, tattoos on my legs. Some are visible in my dating profile, so nobody looking closely should expect an entirely blank canvas. Still, a few photos don’t necessarily convey the full picture.
I love my tattoos. Every one of them. This isn’t a case of looking back at an old decision and wondering what possessed me. I don’t want to remove them, and I don’t wish I’d made different choices. The uncertainty begins when I imagine somebody else deciding what those choices mean.
Specifically, I worry about being put into a category before we’ve had much of a conversation: someone they’d happily sleep with, but wouldn’t date seriously. Someone who might be fun for a while, provided meeting the family never comes up.
Even writing that feels uncomfortable, because I don’t know whether it’s something I’m likely to encounter or something I’m building up in my head. I haven’t described a string of dates where people treated me that way. I’m standing at the beginning, wondering what to expect.
There’s a difference between someone simply not liking tattoos and someone making a whole set of assumptions about me because I have them. Attraction is personal; I understand that. It’s the possibility of being dismissed as a serious partner while still being pursued that gets under my skin.
So I’m curious about other heavily tattooed people’s experiences with dating. Have you run into that distinction? Has anyone made it obvious that your tattoos changed where they thought you belonged in their life?
I’m happy with the way I look. I’d just like to know how often I might have to explain that there’s a person under all this artwork.
