I find very few men physically attractive. That sounds blunt, but it’s the part of my dating life I keep coming back to. I have a specific type, and when someone fits it, attraction is easy to recognize. Finding that feeling in a relationship that lasts has been much harder.
I’ve had short-term relationships and one-night encounters with men I found really attractive. So I know the feeling exists for me. I’m not trying to imagine a kind of chemistry I’ve never experienced. I’ve just never managed to have a long-term relationship with someone who gives me that same strong pull.
I’ve always wanted to get married and have a family. That desire hasn’t changed, but it makes the gap between what I want and what has happened feel more significant. The men who catch my eye have been part of my life briefly. I want to share a life with someone.
Physical attraction matters to me, and I don’t feel comfortable pretending it doesn’t. I wouldn’t want to date someone while privately wishing I found him more appealing. I also wouldn’t want to be on the other side of that arrangement, loved in several ways but quietly found lacking in one that mattered to my partner.
That’s why I’m wondering whether my type can broaden. There’s a difference, at least in what I’m hoping for, between becoming attracted to someone I wouldn’t initially have noticed and talking myself into accepting an absence of attraction. I’d like to know whether the first has happened for other women.
Did someone outside their usual type become physically appealing as they got to know him? Did their preferences shift over time? Or did they make peace with a relationship that offered less of that initial spark?
I don’t have a success story or a decision to announce. I’m still looking for an answer from women who recognize this position. When you say you broadened your type, did your desire actually change—or did you learn to live with wanting something different?
