I posted my dating profile for feedback, hoping other people might notice something I couldn’t see. The word that came back was “intimidating.” I asked my male friends, and they said the same thing. So apparently the feedback is consistent. I’m just not sure what to do with it.
To me, intimidating means scary or aggressive. Neither is how I’d describe myself. I’m not mean. I have a whimsical side, and I don’t think of getting to know me as something that should require courage.
I am accomplished, though, and there are still plenty of things I want to do. I’m intellectual and creative. Those parts of me show up on my profile because they’re real parts of my life. If someone is deciding whether they’d like to meet me, it seems reasonable for them to know.
What I can’t work out is whether the profile gives an incomplete impression. Maybe the accomplishments are coming through more clearly than the warmth or playfulness. That’s something I could try to adjust. But “intimidating” doesn’t tell me which part needs adjusting, or what someone thinks they’re seeing.
I don’t need a billion matches. Even imagining that many conversations makes dating sound like an administrative position. I’d rather have the right matches: people who are interested in the person the profile is trying to introduce.
Still, I asked for feedback because I was willing to make changes. I don’t want to dismiss the same response from several people just because I dislike the word they chose. I also don’t know whether a smaller dating pool is simply part of being clear about who I am and what matters to me.
So I’m curious about women who’ve heard this before. Did a small change help your profile show more of your personality? Or did you leave it alone and accept that fewer people would be a good fit? I’m willing to edit. I’d just like to know what, exactly, I’m being asked to fix.
