Most of my former girlfriends had never had sex when we started dating. The confession is that I wasn’t drawn to their inexperience. It was a turnoff for me, and I never had the courage to say what appealed to me instead.
I’m attracted to women who have had a lot of sexual experience. That history is part of the appeal. Privately, I also have a fantasy about a girlfriend who enjoys consensual experiences with multiple adult partners.
I’ve never told someone I’m dating that this is something I want. So there’s a fairly large gap between my private preferences and anything a partner could actually know about me.
Their lack of experience wasn’t something they had done wrong. It was simply different from what attracted me. But I kept that difference to myself, along with the fantasy, and the people I dated never got to hear it.
Even writing it down feels more direct than I’ve managed to be in a relationship. I can name the attraction when I’m admitting it privately. Put me in front of someone I’m dating, and I haven’t found the courage.
That’s where this confession still ends: I know what turns me on, and I’ve never told a partner.
