I’ve recently started taking a more proactive approach when I’m out. If I see a man I find particularly attractive at a bar or club, I walk over and tell him he’s gorgeous. It saves a great deal of standing around hoping my face will communicate an entire opening sentence.
I’m not especially shy, and I don’t mind making the first move. Showing interest feels reasonable enough. There he is, looking good. Here I am, capable of speech. We have the basic equipment.
What surprises me is how often the interaction ends almost immediately. He smiles. He says thank you. He seems pleased. Then the conversation reaches what appears to be its scheduled conclusion.
There usually isn’t much follow-up. He doesn’t keep the conversation going, ask for my number, or make an obvious effort to get to know me. I’ve delivered a compliment, and he’s acknowledged receipt. Very orderly.
I don’t expect every man I approach to be interested. Finding someone attractive doesn’t create a mutual obligation, and a friendly thank-you is a perfectly decent response. It’s the frequency that has me curious. I thought being fairly direct might lead to a little more back-and-forth, even if it didn’t lead anywhere else.
Then there are the men I notice looking at me throughout the night. I’ll catch the attention, but they still don’t approach. I can’t tell whether I’m misreading those looks, whether they’re reluctant to initiate, or whether looking was the full extent of the plan.
I’m not demanding a number exchange every time I open my mouth. I would, however, enjoy the occasional second conversational event.
So I’m curious about women who also approach men in person. When you make your interest obvious, do they usually pick up the conversation? Or do you also find yourself standing there after a cheerful thank-you, having apparently brightened someone’s evening and completed your duties?
