My boyfriend accidentally called my cat by his ex’s cat’s name. Both cats are white, which apparently makes this an understandable clerical error. Under other circumstances, maybe I could have treated it that way.
But there’s some history here, and unfortunately, I remember all of it.
I’m 19, he’s 18, and we’ve been together for six months, since May. We met on Hinge and started talking in early April. His previous relationship lasted two years and ended in January, when she broke up with him over Snapchat. He told me the way she ended it really hurt. He also missed her family, whom he’d been close to.
Before we were officially together, during our first night of kissing, I asked about his experience. We were both drunk, and he mentioned her. Since I’d asked, that part made sense. What felt strange was his reassurance that he didn’t like her and that I was way better. I hadn’t realized there was a ranking.
Then came dinner at my dad’s house. Dad made tacos, and my boyfriend and I sat outside eating. He mentioned missing the food his ex’s family made—wagyu and other expensive meals. My dad’s tacos had somehow found themselves in a competition with a luxury catering department.
That hurt. When I brought it up another night, he felt bad and apologized. He said he hadn’t meant it that way.
About a month into our relationship, we drove past a horse stable. His ex rides horses. He got upset and said he would never go to that stable again. He didn’t name her, but I understood the reference.
We talked about all of it. He understood that the mentions upset me, and they stopped. By November, nothing else had happened for a while. I started thinking maybe he hadn’t quite been over her at the beginning, but he was now.
Then my cat scratched him. He said her cat’s name, caught himself, and corrected it.
To him, it was a small mistake involving a cat. To me, my cat is family, and hearing the wrong name brought back the tacos, the stable, and those early comparisons. I know the mistake alone can’t tell me what he feels. It still hurt.
He’s promised he’s over her. He says he misses her family. I don’t know how to bring this up again when we’ve already talked about it, or how to ask whether he’s moved on without making a white cat the lead witness.
