Since I started dating again, I’ve noticed that a man can tell me he wants to keep things casual and still put more thought into seeing me than anyone else I’m dating. He’ll plan a date I’m actually excited about, go out of his way to see me, or make me dinner. He’ll check in between dates, too. I appreciate knowing where he stands. I also appreciate that he made dinner.
Then I’ll meet someone who says he’s looking for a serious relationship, and I think, great, we’re looking for the same thing. But getting to an actual date can feel like a whole separate question. I can agree with someone completely about what we’re both here for and still struggle to tell how much he wants to see me.
I think what I miss in those moments is the pleasure of looking forward to something. There’s a little thrill in knowing somebody took the time to make a plan for the two of you. Dinner can be simple. A check-in can take ten seconds. Those gestures are part of how I start to feel like there might be something between us in the first place.
I want a relationship, and I’d like to feel courted a little along the way. I thought those two things would go together more often than they have. Lately, the men who are clear about keeping it casual give me plenty of reasons to want another date. And with the men who say they want something serious, sometimes I’m still waiting to see what a date with them would be like.
Has anyone else had this happen? I’d love to meet someone who wants the same thing I do and gives me a reason to look forward to seeing him again.
