He’ll ask me a question, then disappear for two to six hours. When he comes back, it may be with a fresh “How’s your day going?” rather than a response to what I already sent. It’s a small thing to get stuck on when the dates themselves are so good. But lately, a lot of our connection seems to live inside those dates.
I’m 41, he’s 46, and we’ve been seeing each other since August. There have been plenty of dates, and we still meet at least once a week. When we’re together, the chemistry is there. We enjoy each other. That part hasn’t become something I have to talk myself into believing.
At the beginning, he came on strong. He said he wanted something serious, and he has kept telling me he isn’t seeing or talking to anyone else. I wanted something serious too, so those words mattered. They gave the time we were spending together a direction, even though we hadn’t actually agreed to be exclusive or called this a relationship.
The contact has changed gradually. He used to call; now we only text. His messages have become shorter, and the back-and-forth feels thinner. I don’t expect an immediate answer every time. Two busy adults can have full days. What unsettles me is the difference between how he used to stay in touch and how little conversation there seems to be now.
I did bring it up. I told him he seemed a little distant. He apologized and said he hadn’t texted because I hadn’t messaged him, and he assumed I was busy. That was something I could respond to, so I made more of an effort to check in throughout the day. He replies, but the replies are still brief. I’ve changed what I’m doing without feeling much change in what comes back.
The dates have shifted too. He used to make plans ahead of time. Now he’ll ask on the day whether I’m available. I still get to see him, which matters, but being asked at the last minute feels different from knowing he has made room for me in the week. It leaves me wondering how much space this is meant to take up in his life.
I can’t tell from slower texts alone whether his interest is fading or whether he’s settled into a pace he thinks works for us. The good time we have together makes it harder to read. And saying he isn’t seeing anyone else doesn’t quite answer the question of what he wants with me. We’ve never had that conversation clearly enough to know whether we’re expecting the same next step.
There isn’t a useful deadline I can circle just because we’re both in our forties. Still, I don’t want to keep treating the promise of something serious as though it’s the same as building it. Walking away would mean leaving someone I genuinely like spending time with. Staying in this undefined place means giving it more time without knowing whether anything is moving. We’re still seeing each other once a week, and I’m still trying to work out whether that’s a beginning or simply the arrangement.
