I asked a man I used to date to watch my dog for two weeks. I was going away for my birthday and wanted to save money on a pet sitter. I knew he would probably say yes. I did not expect that small, practical request to bring us back together—or to hear him say he was now thinking about marriage.
I’m 27, he’s 40, and we met on a dating app about six years ago. Three months in, I asked where things were going. He told me he had recently left a long relationship and wasn’t looking for anything serious. I ended it. Over the next few years, we occasionally started seeing each other again, partly because I still wanted him physically. We never became an official couple.
What made it hard to leave emotionally was how much he did for me. When I struggled with rent, he helped. When I needed steady income, he offered me a temporary job at his company. That became a long-term role because we worked well together and I contributed something valuable. He also let me stay with him for three months when I needed somewhere to live, paid for a trip, and looked after my home and pets while I spent a month in Europe.
Talking every day for work meant we stayed close, and dating him kept becoming part of that closeness again. His practical support made it difficult to let go of the hope that we might eventually become a couple.
Then, while we were in bed together, I noticed Hinge on his phone. I asked to look at his profile. He was looking for a life partner. Until then, I had been trying to reconcile his generosity with his reluctance to commit. Seeing that profile made me feel he was willing to choose someone—just still looking for someone other than me.
I kept things strictly professional after that. Earlier this year, I gave him three months’ notice. I wanted to put more energy into my own career, and I no longer wanted my working day tied to someone I had those feelings for. We stopped working together, and I moved on.
The dog-sitting request came a couple of months ago, just after things had ended with another man I had briefly dated. Attention from someone familiar felt good. Getting involved again hadn’t been my intention, but that was what happened.
Now he goes to church every Sunday and wants to wait until marriage to have sex. I’m not religious, and waiting isn’t something I want for myself. He knows that and says he accepts that I’m not Christian. He also says his intentions toward me are serious and marriage-minded.
When I explained why the change upset me, he said I had every right to feel that way. He said he had changed and wanted different things now. But when I brought up the dating profile, he admitted that, back then, he had still wanted to see who else was out there.
I can believe people change and still wonder whether he has chosen me or simply stopped looking. I’ve also lost weight and feel more attractive, though I don’t know whether that matters to him. After knowing him for years, I can imagine him being a good father and provider. Yet part of me wants time away from him to concentrate on my career and myself. He is finally talking about the future I once wanted, and I’m still deciding whether I want it with him.
