I’m 36, financially independent, and proud of what I’ve built. I have no debt and a decent savings account. I work for the NHS, have a master’s degree, and feel accomplished in my role. On paper, I think I’m doing pretty well. My apartment, however, is unlikely to appear in a magazine unless the feature is about making do.
I share it with a roommate who’s five years younger than me. The decor is basic, possibly childish, depending on how generous we’re being. I haven’t had the money to give every room a deliberate look, and when I do have something extra, I’d usually rather spend it on travel.
The same goes for luxury jewelry, handbags, and clothes. I take care of myself and make an effort with how I look. I’d describe myself as conventionally attractive, with a lean build. But being well presented and looking expensive are different things, and I’m much more familiar with the first.
Most of the time, none of this bothers me. I grew up middle class. I earn an average salary doing work I’m good at, pay my own way, and have managed to save. There’s a lot in that life that feels solid to me.
Then I think about dating a high earner, someone especially successful, or a man from old money, and I start wondering what he would see. Would sharing an apartment at my age seem practical? Or would it register as a sign that I hadn’t quite arrived somewhere I was supposed to be?
I’m not wondering whether every man wants the same thing. I’m wondering how much these visible details matter when someone is used to a very different standard of living. My qualifications and savings account don’t announce themselves when someone walks through the door. The furniture does.
I like my priorities. I’d still choose the trip over the handbag. But if a man I liked came over, would he see a woman who’s built a good life for herself—or would he still be looking around the apartment?
