My boyfriend lives five minutes away. That’s close enough that spending an evening together doesn’t require much planning, which may be part of why I have trouble understanding when he would rather stay home.
We’ve been dating for a little over a year. We work the same job, usually keep the same hours, and like the same hobbies. Neither of us has family obligations, pets, school, or health concerns that regularly keep us at home. On paper, finding time for each other looks pretty straightforward.
I’m trying to figure out what’s reasonable to want. How often do couples text or call? How often do they see each other just to hang out? And how often do they actually plan something outside the house? Those feel like three different questions, even though they all come back to wanting to feel connected.
The hanging-out part is where I get stuck. I don’t need every visit to qualify as a date. If he’s going to play a game or watch a show, I don’t understand why he wouldn’t want to do that with me. We could have the same quiet evening, just in the same place.
Of course, there’s probably a difference between being alone and being together quietly. I can recognize that without quite knowing what to do with it. To me, an ordinary evening together sounds easy. To him, staying home sometimes seems to be the more appealing option.
That’s when I start wondering whether I’m high maintenance. It’s an uncomfortable label because it makes a simple wish sound like a list of demands. I’m not looking for extravagant plans. I want some conversation, regular time together, and the occasional outing that somebody thought about in advance.
I haven’t given any of those things a number. That’s what I’m trying to understand: what would feel realistic, and what would start to feel like too much?
There are only five minutes between our places. I keep getting caught on how small that distance is, and how differently we seem to feel about crossing it.
