We were discussing a simple question: What’s your big no in the bedroom? One man said he would never perform oral sex on a woman. He was definitely straight, and I found his answer surprising.
It was the certainty that caught my attention. He wasn’t describing a particular experience or saying it wasn’t his favorite thing. His answer was an absolute never.
My first reaction was to wonder how that fit with being attracted to women. But those are different questions. Being straight tells me who someone is attracted to; it doesn’t tell me which sexual activities he enjoys or is willing to try. I’d heard his orientation and filled in a preference he hadn’t actually expressed.
That still left me curious about his answer. Was it about the act itself? Was there some other reason? He hadn’t given one in the statement that surprised me, so I couldn’t know.
He had answered the question we were discussing. Whatever I expected to hear, this was his boundary. I was left wondering less about whether a straight man could have that limit and more about this particular man: what made his answer such a definite never?
