She said no, and I had to stand there with about a dozen people around us while it sank in. I kept myself together. Inside, I felt as if I was falling apart.
I'm 36, and this was the first time I'd ever asked a woman out in person, outside a dating app. It happened at a recreational sports league, in the small gap between her game and mine. I'd met her the week before while filling in for a team. This week, I was subbing again, and the team I was playing for was up next.
When I saw her near the end of her game, I had a few moments to try. There wasn't a long history between us, just that earlier meeting and now another chance to say something. I took it.
I'd been afraid of being rejected face-to-face. Then it happened, in front of other people, and the feeling was every bit as rough as I'd feared. Getting the question out hadn't magically made me relaxed about the answer. I was still the person who'd wanted a yes, standing in front of the woman who'd said no.
The people nearby made it harder. It wasn't only that she wasn't interested. I was feeling that disappointment with an audience, trying to hold myself together while the whole thing was still fresh. I wouldn't have wished that feeling on anyone.
Then two guys from her team came over. They congratulated me for having the nerve to try. I hadn't expected encouragement from her teammates after being turned down. Their response made me feel much better. In a moment when I felt painfully exposed, someone had noticed the effort it had taken.
It didn't change her answer. But it changed how the experience felt to me. Until then, the rejection had filled the whole moment. Now there was also this small, unexpected kindness from two people who had seen it happen.
A couple of hours later, I was home, and the sting had worn off. I could think about the day without being back in that first awful instant. I'd done something I'd never managed before, and I'd got through the answer I was afraid of hearing.
I felt hopeful that asking someone out might get easier, and that someday the answer might be yes. That was still ahead of me. For the evening, I was home with the hurt easing and the encouragement of those two teammates still with me.
