I recently decided to start dating again after a breakup. I downloaded Hinge, made some connections, and began having conversations that seemed promising enough to continue in person. So far, my main achievement has been developing a working knowledge of cancellation etiquette.
I usually suggest meeting after about ten or fifteen exchanges. Weekdays are difficult for me right now, so I aim for the following weekend, generally two to four days ahead. It feels like a reasonable amount of planning. We aren’t booking an expedition. We’re trying to be in the same place for a little while.
In two weeks, three different women have canceled on the day. That includes Friday and Saturday of the same weekend, which is an efficient way to clear a calendar I had deliberately kept available.
Some say they’re sick. People get sick, and I’m happy to take that at face value. I send something along the lines of, “No worries, hope you feel better. Let me know if you want to reschedule.” One woman did reschedule after canceling last week, then canceled again this week. The date now has a history without ever having had a beginning.
Others simply say they can’t make it. Sometimes a match disappears altogether, even after confirming earlier that day. That’s the part I find especially confusing. A confirmation seems like it ought to have a slightly longer shelf life.
I don’t think anyone owes me a date. If someone changes her mind, she can change her mind. But my free time is limited, and these plans occupy some of it before we ever meet. I get ready. I keep the time open. I let myself get a little excited.
Then the message arrives, or the conversation vanishes, and another weekend plan is gone. I’m getting discouraged, and I don’t know whether there’s something about my timing I should change. Mostly, I’d just like to understand what happens between “Yes, we’re still on” and no longer having a date.
