When Emotional Investment in Relationships Fades Away
It all begins with love, or so they say. You meet someone, and sparks fly. But what happens when the emotional investment in relationships starts to dry up? For me, it was a slow, painful shift from being in love to getting the “ick” whenever I looked at my partner.
Life was supposed to be beautiful when we started our journey together. Like any couple, we had our share of fights and blissful reconciliations. We tried everything—a Google search away—fights, talks, therapy, even a schedule, but nothing seemed to reignite the spark that once blazed between us.
The IVF Rollercoaster: A Turning Point
Things took a nosedive during our IVF journey—a time filled with hope and disappointment. It was chaos: hormones, needles, doctor’s visits, and the weight of it all meant sex took a backseat, and honestly, that was okay for a while. There was a legitimate, undeniable reason for the lack of intimacy, and that made the absence hurt a little less.
But when your needs aren’t met for so long, you start to build this wall. I stopped pouring myself emotionally into us. I became the breadwinner, the cook, the cleaner, the backbone—but not the lover. I focused on what made me happy and started viewing my partner through an entirely different lens.
From Lover to Roommate: The Crazy Twist
Here’s the twist—and boy, is it a doozy. As soon as I stopped seeing my spouse as a lover, they transformed into an annoying friend or roommate. It’s ironic, isn’t it? Now, when the IVF is behind us, they suddenly want to work on our love life like flipping a switch.
But here’s the rub: I’m no longer there, emotionally. It’s like they’ve missed the bus, and I don’t have a reason to wave it down. I don’t need them. Attraction? Gone. Feeling rejected time and again has dulled my desire to dive back into a pool of mediocre sex. I woke up one day, looked at my partner cuddling with our dog, and thought, “Eeww.” How did I get here?
Can Emotional Investment in Relationships Be Restored?
This is where it gets tricky. I do love my partner, but they’ve begun to give me the ick, and it’s become this annoying shadow in our lives. Whenever they ask for something or try to be affectionate, I wonder why I should bother. What’s the point when I can function just fine on my own, and when the relationship doesn’t feel like a partnership?
So, what happens now? Do we try to buy back in when the heart isn’t in it? I care about them—I do. But how do you reignite a fire that’s burnt out? Maybe the real question is, do I even want to? Is this the end of the emotional investment in relationships for us, or is there a way forward?
As complicated and perplexing as it sounds, perhaps it boils down to finding a balance between loving someone and being in love. And maybe, just maybe, that’s where the journey of emotional investment in relationships truly begins.
