The last time I brought up marriage, my partner said, “If I didn’t love you, I wouldn’t have bought this house for us.” I could see why he’d say that. Buying a house together, in the sense of choosing where we were going to live and actually moving in, was a big deal for both of us. We each had a place of our own. We left those homes to start a new one together.
I’m 49, he’s 52, and we’ve been together about seven and a half years. Four of those have been under the same roof. We’ve both been married before, and I knew when we moved in how much it meant to make that kind of change in our lives. It still means a lot to me. I also thought that somewhere along the way, he might ask me to marry him. He’s traditional in plenty of ways, so I could picture him doing it.
When I imagine getting married, I get through the wedding part pretty quickly. I’d be happy to keep it simple. Spending a fortune on one day has very little appeal to me. It’s the day after, when we wake up at home and go about our usual lives as a married couple, that I like thinking about.
His answer about the house has stuck with me because I think he meant it as reassurance. We’ve already made a life together, and he can look around the room and see the evidence. I can see it too. I’d like to be able to tell him that when I bring up marriage, I’m asking about something I want with him. I’m happy with the life we have, and I’d like us to be married while we’re living it.
I’m curious how other couples who’ve both been married before talked about getting married again. If one of you felt like the commitment had already been made and the other still wanted to get married, how did you start that conversation?
