I messaged a former coworker to tell him I’d been thinking about him and would like to get to know him better. I wanted to make my interest clear. I was prepared for rejection, in the way people are prepared for rain until they’re actually standing in it.
He said he only saw me as a colleague and wished me the best.
There it was. Polite, definite, and not what I’d hoped to hear. I didn’t reply. I was upset, and I also considered the conversation finished. He had answered the question. There wasn’t much left for me to contribute.
Then, almost immediately—within a few minutes, I think—he sent me a friend request on another app.
I didn’t accept it. I was still too emotional about the rejection to deal with a second, smaller piece of correspondence. The request sat there. After a day or two, he withdrew it.
Naturally, I noticed what was happening on his friends list. For months, it had included only three men. Around the time he sent my request, he appeared to send requests to other women too; by the next day, three more women had been added.
This gave me several possible explanations and absolutely no new facts about his intentions. An efficient arrangement.
Maybe he wanted to be friendly and show there were no hard feelings. Maybe he felt awkward after turning me down. I wondered whether he felt sorry for me, or whether sending requests to several women made mine feel less pointed. That last possibility requires him to have organized a small public-relations campaign, which may be giving a friend request too much responsibility.
He’s introverted, though I don’t know how much that explains. Perhaps he simply reconsidered when I didn’t respond.
I’m not expecting anything from him now. His answer about my interest was clear, and I accept it. I’m just curious about those few minutes between wishing me the best and asking to appear in my feed.
The request is gone. Apparently, my curiosity didn’t come with a withdrawal button.
