Since moving to a new city, I’ve been getting a decent number of dates. That part has gone better than I might have expected. The problem comes afterward, when something that seemed promising falls apart within a couple of months, sometimes much sooner.
I try to show up well. I make plans, keep the conversation going, pay for dates, and make it clear that I’m interested. I’m looking for a relationship, so I want the person across from me to know I’m making an effort.
Then there are moments that take the warmth right out of it. Once, after I paid for a meal, the response was, “As you should.” It was a small comment, but I didn’t know where to go from there. I’d wanted to do something nice, and suddenly it felt like I’d completed a requirement.
I’ve also started noticing what feels like a shift after conversations about my job, where I work, or how much I pay in rent. I can’t know exactly what someone takes from those details. From my side, though, the expectations sometimes seem to grow before we’ve had much chance to know each other.
I have a part in the change, too. As we spend more time together, someone will reveal something that makes me doubt whether we’d work as a long-term couple. Once that happens, my enthusiasm drops. The attention that came easily at the beginning starts to slow.
That’s often where things break. There have been abrupt departures, ghosting, and breakup texts that seem to take less effort than arranging the date did. I’m left wondering whether we ever wanted the same thing, or whether we just enjoyed the beginning.
I’m tired of trying to sort every interaction out with ChatGPT. I want to hear from actual people who might recognize this pattern, including anything I’m missing about my own part in it.
I want to settle down. Hooking up leaves me sad, and another promising first date doesn’t feel like much comfort when I already know how quickly the next few weeks can disappear. Is this what other people are running into, or is something going wrong in the way I’m dating?
