A fictionalized relationship comedy.
We had been dating for a few weeks when Ben said he loved me during oral sex. It was not a moment that lent itself to an extended clarification.
I heard him. I paused. My brain immediately scheduled several questions for a more convenient setting.
Did he mean he loved me? Did he mean he was enjoying himself? Had he intended to make an announcement, or had a sentence escaped without first consulting the rest of him?
I did not know. Unfortunately, thinking about it harder did not provide access to Ben’s internal meeting notes.
The following morning, over coffee, I asked. “Yesterday, when you said you loved me—did you mean that as something you wanted to talk about?”
He looked briefly embarrassed. This seemed fair; I had spent half the night trying to determine whether our relationship status had changed without adequate notice.
We talked about how we felt and how quickly things were moving. There was no need for me to say the same words because he had said them first. There was also no need to dismiss them merely because his timing had been unusually ambitious.
A sexual moment can contain affection, enthusiasm, awkwardness, or all three. It does not explain itself, and it does not establish the condition of an entire relationship.
I was glad I asked. Coffee turned out to be a much better venue for the conversation. Both of us could speak in complete sentences, and neither had to interpret a declaration while occupied with something else.
