I moved seats during a romantic comedy to see whether my housemate would move closer again. She did. This was apparently how I had decided to investigate my love life: by rearranging myself during a movie and waiting for results.
She’s 24, I’m 28, and we live together. We’ve had the kind of long, personal conversations that make an ordinary shared house feel a little less ordinary. At the supermarket, we linked arms. During movies, she has rested her head on my shoulder. I read all of this as flirting. I’m attracted to her, so I’m aware that my interpretation has a very interested sponsor.
There is also another man. She calls what they have a situationship, and he comes over multiple times a week. They go out for dinner, to parties, shopping—the sort of things that fill a calendar rather effectively. I can also hear them having sex. Whatever remains undefined between them, their involvement is not something I’ve had to deduce from a shoulder lean.
When we talk about him, she says she’s tired of younger men and should try someone older. She looks at me while saying it. Since I am older, this is difficult to receive as a completely neutral observation about age. She has also told me she’ll call me hot once I start going to the gym. Apparently there are conditions attached to my potential promotion.
Then there was the rom-com. She wanted me to watch it with her, asked about my type, and kept asking what I would do in situations from the film. At one point, she talked about a man not really being into her if he didn’t kiss her like that. She didn’t make clear whom she meant. Put together with her moving closer when I changed seats, it felt less like film criticism and more like something I might be expected to understand.
But feeling invited and actually being invited are different things. She repeatedly makes a point of saying she isn’t in a relationship. I hear that, but I also see how often the other man comes over. I don’t know what they’ve agreed, or what she wants from me. I can notice the flirting without pretending it answers either question.
I’d feel bad making a move while she’s still involved with him. And this isn’t someone I could simply stop seeing if I misunderstood: we share a home. Getting the answer wrong could make the next ordinary evening together considerably less ordinary. Doing nothing has its own awkwardness, though, when I’m already testing seating arrangements instead of just watching the movie.
Even the practical side is strange. From where I’m standing, she seems to spend nearly all her time with him and the small remainder at home. It feels as though she wants me to chase her, but I’m not sure when this chase would fit around their existing plans. I like her. I’m also fairly sure I don’t want to get tangled up in this. I haven’t made a move.
