He suggested sex on the hood of a car. I said it sounded good, provided we didn’t get arrested and the hood wasn’t hot. Then he immediately backed away from his own suggestion. I’d thought I was joining in. Suddenly, I wondered whether my enthusiasm was the problem.
I’m 27, and he’s 39. We’re still in the talking stage, getting to know each other, and we’ve started discussing what we like in bed. I’ve always been drawn to older men. Somewhere along the way, I also picked up the expectation that more years and longer relationships would make those conversations easier. With him, that assumption hasn’t held up.
He asked about my interests, so I answered. I’m comfortable talking about toys, being tied up, different roles and trying things beyond the usual. To me, that openness belongs in getting to know someone I’m attracted to. I wasn’t describing a checklist he would have to complete. I was telling him what appeals to me because he wanted to know.
His answers have been more restrained. He mentioned an interest in cameras and sex outdoors, but otherwise he’s kept things fairly tame. That doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with his preferences. What throws me is the contrast: he invites me to be candid, then seems much less comfortable offering the same detail himself.
The car conversation made that contrast harder to ignore. I didn’t dismiss his idea or pretend to be shocked. I took it as a sexual suggestion and responded positively, with a couple of practical reservations. When he backpedaled, I was left wondering what sort of answer he’d been hoping for. There’s no way to get that answer just by replaying my own response.
I know he finds me attractive. What I don’t know is whether he feels intimidated, wants more time before discussing sex so openly, or simply enjoys different things. I’m also unsure whether he’s pursued someone this much younger before. The age gap might matter to him, but that’s a possibility, not something he’s told me. His past relationships don’t tell me what he wants with me.
I don’t want my assumptions about older men to turn into pressure for him to be more adventurous than he is. Being quieter about sex doesn’t make him less experienced, and enjoying something in theory doesn’t mean he wants to do it. There’s room for him to have his own limits without either of us being the disappointing one.
But I’m caught on what to do with my own openness. I could share less while we get closer, yet holding back feels strange when he’s the one asking. I don’t want to scare him away, and I don’t want to give him a carefully softened version of what I enjoy. We haven’t moved past the talking stage. I’m still trying to work out how much of myself to put into the next answer.
