A few months ago, a woman I liked made it clear she saw me as a friend. A few weeks later, we went to a fair together as friends. The terms were available in advance. I attended anyway.
Afterward, I realized I needed to stop putting myself through that and move on. Spending time together was keeping me attached to something she hadn’t offered. Accepting friendship apparently required me to accept the friendship part.
To my surprise, moving on went fairly well. We still texted occasionally, but I wasn’t holding every exchange up to the light anymore.
In one of those conversations, I think I mentioned going out with another woman. After that, the dynamic seemed to change. I wondered whether she was jealous, although “seemed” and “wondered” are doing necessary work in that sentence.
When I came back from a work trip, she seemed excited to talk to me. She wanted to keep the conversation going. A few days later, I saw her again, and while we were talking, she said, “We should hang out sometime.”
This was unexpected. The last few times I’d suggested hanging out, she’d brushed it off. Now she was bringing it up herself. I had finally stopped looking for an opening, and here was something that looked inconveniently like one.
Naturally, I consulted friends. One suggested asking her out with no expectations. That sounded manageable: invite her somewhere, see what happens, retain access to normal breathing.
The other recommended going all in—holding her hand and slipping “girlfriend” into conversation. We had somehow advanced from a vague invitation to a relationship announcement without stopping for her input.
I don’t know whether she’s interested now, curious because I’m dating, or simply being friendly with someone she already considers a friend. All I have is a noticeable shift and a sentence that could mean several things.
I’m back to considering an invitation. Do I ask her on an actual date, or am I about to buy another ticket to the fair?
