I have a friend who is good with women, and I keep watching him as though I’ve missed a crucial step. I’m a man too, which probably explains why I’ve turned his perfectly ordinary social life into something I’m trying to figure out.
He’s Indian and lives in the United States. He isn’t exceptionally tall or muscular. He has a regular job, doesn’t look wealthy, and doesn’t pay for women’s company. If I were trying to explain his success through a checklist of obvious advantages, I’d run out of boxes pretty quickly.
What he does do is go out. Festivals, events, whatever gives him a reason to be around people. Sometimes he goes alone. He doesn’t seem to need a full group assembled before he can leave the house.
Once he’s there, he talks to everyone. Men, women, people he might find attractive, people he might not. Watching him, I don’t see much evidence of the sorting process I catch myself doing. A conversation seems to be enough reason to start a conversation.
He also has a good circle of friends, so new people often arrive through someone he already knows. There’s a familiar face between them instead of two strangers having to build everything from scratch.
Women I find attractive enjoy being around him. They become his friends, kiss him on the cheek, and invite him places. A few times a year, he has a new sexual partner, and afterward they often remain friends or at least acquaintances.
I wonder whether his not drinking helps people feel comfortable. Maybe he simply has a gift for conversation. I’m also realizing that things I’ve been told—like the blanket claim that white women aren’t interested in Indian men—don’t explain the person I’m actually watching.
I can identify all these details and still catch myself searching for the hidden technique. Meanwhile, he has another event to go to and more people to meet.
Sometimes I think I’m trying to follow a specific formula while my friend is just talking to whoever happens to be there.
