At a friend’s birthday dinner, someone noticed that the woman I’d been dating and I were getting a little closer than usual. The teasing started. She laughed and said, “Ew, he’s basically my brother.” Everyone laughed. So did I, which seemed like the available option that involved the least explaining.
I’m 29, she’s 28, and until that moment I’d thought our first month was going pretty well. Four dates isn’t a long relationship, but it is enough time to become mildly invested in remaining a romantic prospect rather than acquiring a sibling.
We’d known each other for a couple of years through the same group of friends. Dating was the new part. We’d agreed to keep it to ourselves while we worked out where it was going, and I was fine with that. A new thing can be easier to enjoy before everyone you know starts asking for updates.
Still, hearing her reaction was strange. There’s keeping something quiet, and then there’s reacting to the suggestion of dating me as though someone has proposed a deeply unfortunate idea. The “ew” did a fair amount of work before the brother comparison even arrived.
I laughed along because the alternative was awkward in its own right. Objecting in front of everyone would hardly have helped us keep anything private. I couldn’t exactly dispute my new family status without raising the question of why I cared so much.
Later that night, she came over and kissed me. She acted completely normal, as though the dinner had contained nothing that needed explaining. It was a reassuring contrast, although a confusing one. The kiss didn’t undo the comment, but it did make the idea that she was simply rejecting me harder to square with the evening.
When I brought it up, she said she’d panicked and hadn’t known what to say. I can believe that. Being put on the spot isn’t famous for producing careful wording. I had no reason to turn one clumsy denial into certainty about what she felt. That didn’t make the wording any easier to enjoy.
The part I haven’t settled is whether to bring it up again. I don’t want one awkward sentence to turn into a huge relationship discussion before we’ve even told anyone there is a relationship to discuss. But laughing at the table wasn’t quite the same as being fine with what she said.
I’m still happy to keep the dates private. I just hadn’t expected the cover story to make the next kiss so difficult to explain.
