I asked him out. We’re both in our mid-30s, and in the two weeks since, we’ve managed to see each other five times. I still find him attractive. What surprises me is that every time I see him, I feel a little less ready to sleep with him.
On our dates, I’ll ask him something about himself and get a word or two back. If I want to hear more, I have to ask again. He rarely turns the question around or asks me anything that might get us past the basics. There’s a particular kind of awkwardness in realizing you’ve asked three questions in a row and you’re about to ask a fourth.
I like what I’ve gotten to know about him. He’s kind, and he seems shy about making the first move. I knew that much when I asked him out. Sometimes I think he just needs a little longer to get comfortable. Other times I leave a date feeling like he meant to keep me exactly where I was when I arrived.
Five dates in two weeks is fast on paper. It’s also around the point when, in the past, I’ve usually felt close enough to someone to want to take things further. With him, the attraction is still there when I arrive. By the time I go home, after another evening of trying to draw him out, going to bed together feels like something I’d have to talk myself into.
He’s never pressured me to have sex. Still, I have the impression he’s a little more distant each time we go home separately. I can’t tell how much of that I’m picking up from him and how much I’m reading into a silence I’m already sensitive to.
I keep wondering if we’re waiting for the same thing in reverse. Maybe he needs the reassurance of being physically close before he can tell me more about himself. I need to feel like I know him before I want that kind of closeness. Or maybe we’re simply a bad fit. Is that even something I can tell after five dates? And if he is waiting for me to make the first move again, why am I considering making one I don’t feel ready for?
