I told a woman on Hinge I’d raided the entire flower section at Trader Joe’s for her. It seemed like a good line at the time. Now we have a first date tomorrow, and I’m wondering how much of a floral supply chain I’ve accidentally committed to.
We’re both 23, and we haven’t met in person. Her profile said flowers on a first date were the way to win her over. I liked that prompt, made the joke, and she went along with it. The flowers became our running bit. Eventually, giving them to her became the excuse for us to go out.
Normally, I’d think bringing flowers to a first meeting was a lot. We don’t know yet whether we enjoy being in the same room. Arriving with a romantic gesture before finding that out feels like getting a little ahead of myself. But she specifically mentioned flowers. I didn’t invent this preference and assign it to a stranger.
That’s what makes my usual instinct unhelpful. If we’d arranged a drink without any of this, I wouldn’t be debating a bouquet. Instead, we’ve built the invitation around one. Turning up empty-handed could make the whole exchange feel like a promise I only meant while typing. Turning up with flowers could simply mean I listened. I can see that version too, which would be convenient if I could stop there.
Unfortunately, we’re meeting at a bar.
A bouquet sounds charming in a dating profile. At a bar, it is also an object someone has to hold. I keep coming back to the image of handing her something lovely and immediately making it her responsibility for the evening. A thoughtful gesture shouldn’t come with a carrying requirement.
Then there’s the handover. Give them to her at the start, and the joke gets its payoff when we meet, but she has them for the whole date. Save them for the end, and I have to figure out what to do with them until then. Halfway through would avoid neither problem and introduce the question of why I’d scheduled a flower interval.
I don’t actually know how literally she expects me to follow through. Her profile wasn’t subtle about liking flowers; our conversation was playful. Those two things can both be true. I’m trying to work out the size of the gesture from an exchange that was enjoyable precisely because neither of us was treating it like a negotiation.
Tomorrow I’m supposed to meet her in person for the first time. I still haven’t decided what, if anything, will be in my hands.
