I’m comfortable making the first move. I can approach a woman, start a conversation, and make it clear I’d like to get to know her. What loses me is the feeling that, having opened the conversation, I’m now responsible for keeping the entire thing alive.
When I’m dating, I usually talk to a few women and arrange dates with the ones who show interest and make themselves available. That doesn’t mean they have to be free whenever I am. There’s a difference between someone having a life and someone leaving me to do all the asking.
I tend to notice that difference early. Does she seem happy to talk? Does she contribute anything beyond an answer? Is making plans something we’re doing together, or am I trying to secure an appointment with someone whose office apparently discourages visitors?
Sometimes I approach a woman and get the impression that she’s attracted to me, but there’s still a chilly attitude. Of course, that’s my reading of the situation; attraction isn’t something I can establish on someone else’s behalf. All I know for sure is how the exchange feels from my side.
And sometimes it feels like work almost immediately. Once that happens, my interest drops. I don’t become more determined to win her over. I usually walk away.
That’s the part that makes me question myself. Am I picking up on a lack of mutual effort, or am I so quick to dislike a cool response that I leave before anything has a chance to develop? I don’t expect instant chemistry or a perfectly smooth conversation. First conversations can be awkward. Mine included.
Still, I want a little warmth. A question back. Some sign that my interest is welcome and that I’m not the only person curious about where this might go.
I can make the first move. I just don’t want the second, third, and fourth to feel like requests for permission to keep talking. Is leaving at that point pride—or simply taking the conversation as it comes?
