Is it unreasonable to want sexual exclusivity while we’re still figuring out whether we even want a relationship? That’s the part of early dating I keep getting stuck on. I don’t need a promise that this is going somewhere. I would just prefer that, while we’re finding out, neither of us is sleeping with somebody else.
I wouldn’t be seeing other women that way. For me, concentrating on one person makes getting to know her feel simpler. There’s enough uncertainty already: whether we click, whether the interest lasts, whether the whole thing quietly fizzles. Adding other sexual partners sounds like another complication I don’t particularly want.
That doesn’t mean I’m ready for full commitment. It could still be casual. We could enjoy each other’s company and eventually decide there isn’t much more there. I don’t see exclusivity as a guarantee that we’ll become a couple, although I can understand how someone else might hear it that way.
What bothers me is imagining that we’re approaching this completely differently. I’m focusing on her, and she’s sleeping with other men between our dates. There’s a sexual health concern in that for me, along with a strong personal discomfort. My instinct would be to assume she wasn’t especially interested and move on.
But that’s also where my question gets awkward. Would I be responding to something she’d agreed to, or to a rule I’d quietly decided we were following? Asking for exclusivity and expecting it without a conversation aren’t quite the same situation.
If I picture that conversation, I know what I’d want to say: I’m interested in getting to know you, I’m not sleeping with anyone else, and I’d like us to be exclusive while we see what happens. I don’t know whether she’d consider that a reasonable arrangement or a relationship with the label peeled off.
I can accept that dating might end. What I’m trying to work out is whether wanting this in the meantime is asking too much—and whether I can reasonably take a different preference as a lack of interest.
