My ex and I broke up about seven months ago, although our routine makes that surprisingly difficult to prove. We still call every night. We see each other during school breaks. He even came to visit me this semester after I transferred to a college closer to home.
We’re both 19 now, and we were together for two years. The communication problems go back to when we first dated. I tried ending things before, but within a week we would usually be back together. We were good at returning to each other. Staying happy together was harder.
Going out of state for college made the problem clearer. With distance between us, conversation became a bigger part of what we had, and ours kept going flat. I brought it up many times. Eventually, I started wondering whether this was simply how he communicates.
Around the end of my first semester, I broke up with him. I wasn’t making our conversations a priority because I found them boring, and then I felt guilty for being a girlfriend who didn’t want to talk. Ending it seemed more honest than continuing like that.
Except we kept talking. Night after night, the familiar person was still there, even when the conversations themselves weren’t especially engaging. The breakup changed what we called each other more than it changed how often we were in contact.
I can’t picture myself committing to someone else right now. At the same time, I’m not completely comfortable with him. Anything sexual can leave me irritated, annoyed, or embarrassed. That discomfort is part of this, too, even when I miss him.
I’ve tried creating distance so we can both move on. Then I find myself getting back in touch. Sometimes I wonder whether there’s still something we could work out, but whenever we get back together, the frustration over our conversations returns.
We were each other’s first partners, and he’s leaving for the military soon. I don’t know whether I want another relationship with him or whether I don’t know how to stop having this one. Seven months after the breakup, we’re still calling every night.
