My ex’s girlfriend sent me a message thanking me for everything I’d done for him. We’ve never met. Until recently, she had me blocked. I hadn’t realized my time as his girlfriend came with a farewell tribute, especially three years after the breakup.
The message arrived tonight, and it was almost aggressively kind. She said I’d supported him through difficult times, helped shape who he was, and remained important to him. She hoped I was doing well. She also hoped the three of us might sit down someday and talk about our lives. That is quite an itinerary for someone I’ve never spoken to.
My ex and I are both 22. We dated in high school and broke up in 2023, after our first year of college. We were doing long distance, and the relationship had run its course. Two weeks later, he told me he had a new girlfriend. Three months after that, they moved in together. They’re still together now.
At the time, his speed was painful. I wasn’t delighted to discover how quickly my place could be filled. But years have passed, and I’ve been over him for a long time. They live in another state. I’m not waiting for a reunion or quietly keeping a seat available.
He has been less committed to leaving the past alone. Every few months since we split, he’s texted me. I rarely answer, and I haven’t replied in over a year. Partly, I don’t want to. Partly, I don’t think his girlfriend needs an ex hovering around their relationship.
According to him, she has his passwords and doesn’t mind the messages. He also told me, around two years ago, that she hated me. Those accounts are difficult to reconcile, although they do have the convenience of coming from the same person. I have no independent confirmation of either.
Then, in July, she requested to follow me on Instagram. Previously, I’d been blocked, despite never interacting with her profile. I assumed she might have questions. Given the occasional messages from her boyfriend, I could understand that. I was willing to talk. Nothing followed until tonight.
After the thanks and the proposed group catch-up, her DM took another turn: she apologized if reaching out made me uncomfortable and offered to be there if I ever needed to talk. It was a generous invitation from someone whose only connection to me is a man I stopped answering.
Maybe she genuinely wants to make peace with the existence of his ex. Maybe she wants to compare notes and doesn’t know how to begin. I’d be open to that conversation, especially if she’s struggling with him. But those are my guesses. Her message doesn’t actually ask about his texts, their relationship, or anything I might know.
And the suggested get-together remains hard to picture. We live in different states. A three-way video call about our lives is technically possible, which is not a point in its favor.
I do want to reply. Curiosity is doing a lot of the work here. I just haven’t worked out how to answer a message that thanks me for the past, offers support in the present, and tentatively books all three of us for the future.
