Do we really think our perfect match lives within 45 minutes of us? I keep hearing about people meeting someone they genuinely connect with, then deciding against pursuing it because they live too far apart. Apparently, there can be chemistry, shared values, and an immediate ease between two people—and then someone checks the travel time.
From my experience and the conversations I have with my girlfriends, it often seems to be men who resist the idea. That’s the pattern we’ve encountered, anyway. A promising connection comes up, distance enters the conversation, and suddenly there’s very little left to discuss.
I find that frustrating because I’m not imagining an agreement to live apart forever. I’m imagining giving something a chance long enough to learn whether it deserves a bigger conversation. If two people turn out to be a great match, couldn’t closing the distance become something they work toward?
Of course, “we’ll find a way” leaves plenty unanswered. Whose job is flexible? Who has roots they can’t easily pull up? Who would eventually move? I can picture two adults at an airport, coats on and bags beside them, facing another goodbye. I understand why someone might look ahead to that and hesitate.
But I still struggle with ending the possibility before either person knows much about it. There’s a difference between discovering that your lives can’t fit together and deciding that the mileage settles the question immediately. When the connection feels rare, I want to know a little more before giving it up.
Sometimes I wonder whether companionship simply isn’t enough of a priority for the people saying no. Then again, perhaps they want the ordinary closeness of being able to see someone on a Tuesday without arranging transportation. I want that, too. I just don’t assume it has to be available from the beginning.
What I’d really like to hear is how it started for people who did take the chance. What made you keep talking? Did you eventually close the distance, or did something else happen? When you first realized how far apart you lived, what made you stay?
