I’ve seen several posts from women who say they aren’t physically attracted to their boyfriends. The posts explain that part clearly enough. What I keep wanting to ask is why they’re still dating them.
I’m asking women because those are the accounts I’ve come across, not because I think this question could only apply to them. I’d like to understand what the relationship feels like from the inside.
I can understand being drawn to someone’s personality and kindness before feeling much physical attraction. I also believe the way we feel about a relationship can change the way we see our partner. Someone can become more attractive as affection and satisfaction grow.
The accounts that leave me confused seem to describe something further along than an uncertain beginning. These women talk about feeling indifferent to their boyfriend’s appearance, or actively disliking it. Some say they dislike physical contact or feel uncomfortable when he tries to initiate intimacy.
That sounds difficult for both people, although I don’t know what either partner has been told. Reading it, I find myself wondering what keeps the relationship going day after day.
Is there hope that attraction will eventually develop? If so, has it changed at all since they started dating, or are they still waiting for something that hasn’t happened?
Or does the relationship offer enough kindness, companionship, and comfort that physical attraction feels less important? I can understand those things having real value. What I struggle with is how that arrangement feels when physical closeness itself is unwelcome.
Then there’s the question of what he knows. Have they talked honestly about the lack of attraction? Does he understand the relationship the same way she does, or would reading the post come as a shock?
I don’t want to supply motives for people I haven’t met. I’m asking because the posts leave those parts unanswered. If you’re in a relationship like this, what are you hoping your future together will look like—and does your boyfriend know that’s the future you’re imagining?
