I’m a woman in my late 20s, and I’ve spent the past couple of years putting myself out there. Dating apps, social situations—the usual attempts to meet someone while maintaining a job and a reasonable relationship with laundry. I can get dates. Getting a clear plan is apparently the advanced course.
One guy I met on Hinge managed to plan essentially the same thing four dates in a row: a bonfire at his place. His invitation came with a disclaimer. I could come over if I had nothing going on, but he’d be busy hosting. I was still welcome.
Lovely. An invitation that left me wondering whether my attendance would improve the evening or complicate the seating.
He also left my messages on read all day, then responded somewhere between eight and ten at night. Taken together, it was hard to tell whether he wanted to date me or simply enjoyed knowing I might be available near a fire.
Another guy keeps liking my Instagram stories and telling me how much we have in common. He wants to take me to dinner sometime. I told him I’m free on weekends and asked him to let me know what worked.
His follow-up was that he really liked me and was a very good cook. Useful information. Still no date. I repeated my availability. Then, silence. I started wondering whether dinner out had quietly become an invitation to his house, except that invitation hadn’t acquired a time, either.
The conversations follow a similar pattern. They want to get to know me, but don’t ask questions. They want to see me, but leave the arrangements to me. I end up dragging information out of someone who was supposedly eager to talk.
I’m financially independent, in good shape, and doing well in my career. I don’t think that earns me a boyfriend. I would, however, enjoy encountering a man whose interest occasionally produces a reservation.
I’m tempted to disappear from social media and meet someone organically. Unfortunately, my routine is mostly work and home, so the organic selection is limited.
Is anyone else getting all this enthusiasm without an actual Saturday night?
