I’ve started chatting with a guy, and so far, it’s going well. It’s early enough that there’s nothing much to report, which apparently hasn’t stopped me from worrying several steps ahead.
I’ve come out of a 10-year relationship. Now, before this new connection has even become anything definite, I’m wondering how I’ll ever feel comfortable getting naked in front of another man.
It feels slightly ridiculous to be nervous about a situation that hasn’t happened and might not happen. We are still getting to know each other. Meanwhile, I’ve managed to locate a future problem and give it my full attention.
The confusing part is that I’ve been working out. I’m probably fitter than I’ve been in years. I might have expected that to help, and perhaps in some ways it has. But feeling good about what my body can do hasn’t automatically made me comfortable with somebody new seeing it.
After 10 years with one person, being seen becomes ordinary. You aren’t introducing yourself every time you take off your clothes. There’s a whole shared life around that moment, and the comfort of knowing the person looking at you already loves you.
Starting again means not having that familiarity. I don’t know what this guy would notice, or whether the things I’m self-conscious about would even register with him. That uncertainty leaves plenty of room for me to supply my own least generous guesses.
When I was younger, I don’t remember feeling quite this exposed by the prospect. Now it’s the unfamiliarity that catches me: someone seeing me before we’ve built all that ease together.
For now, we’re chatting, and I like how it’s going. I want to enjoy that without mentally skipping to the moment I’m most nervous about.
If you’ve dated again after a long relationship, did that comfort gradually come back? Or were you still nervous when you finally let someone new see you?
