I went to a singles event in Manhattan recently, hoping that meeting people in person might work better than dating apps. The apps hadn’t exactly earned my loyalty, so spending an evening talking to actual people seemed worth a try.
I’m an Indian guy in my early 30s, born and raised in the U.S. I live in New York, have a decent job, take care of myself, and put some effort into how I dress. None of that guarantees chemistry. I just went in thinking I had a reasonable chance of connecting with someone.
The crowd was mostly white—maybe three-quarters, by my estimate. I struck up conversations with a few women. Nobody was rude, but I kept getting the feeling that the conversations were being politely allowed to happen rather than welcomed.
Meanwhile, I noticed some of the white guys getting approached. Women seemed to make an effort to talk to them. After a while, the contrast became hard to stop watching. I’d come to meet someone and ended up feeling almost invisible.
One evening can’t tell me why any particular person wasn’t interested. Attraction is personal, and nobody owes me a chance. Still, the evening brought up a feeling I’ve had before: dating outside my race can seem considerably harder.
I’ve had some luck with Indian women. I’m open to women from different backgrounds, and this isn’t about exclusively pursuing white women. It’s about wondering how often people’s stated openness carries over into who they actually consider dating.
In most of my life, this isn’t something I dwell on. I grew up here, went to school here, and have friends from all different backgrounds. Dating is one of the few settings where I find myself constantly aware of being Indian.
Maybe I’m reading too much into that event. But I’d like to hear from other Indian or South Asian guys in big cities: have you had evenings like this, where a room full of potential introductions somehow makes the distance between people feel larger?
