A man can spend an evening being charming and then undo a surprising amount of his work by asking what I pay for my condo. Apparently, the walk home is also the financial disclosure portion of the evening.
I’m a woman in my forties, living and working in a large city, and I mostly meet men online. After the first few dates, sometimes a man walks me back to my building. We’ve had a good time. I’m still enjoying his company. Then we reach the entrance, and he develops an urgent interest in residential real estate.
Do I own my place? How much do I pay for it?
This has happened a few times now, which is enough to make me wonder whether there’s a dating milestone I missed. First comes meeting for drinks, then establishing mutual interest, then apparently reviewing my monthly obligations beside the front door.
The ownership question alone might pass as casual curiosity. People in cities do talk about housing. But when it immediately becomes a question about the amount I pay, the conversation changes for me. We’ve only recently met. I wasn’t expecting to provide figures.
Depending on my mood, I handle it differently. Sometimes I answer truthfully. Other times I ask why they need to know this early. That seems like a fair question, especially since they’ve just asked me several.
They never answer.
That’s the part that stays with me. I could at least respond to an explanation. Instead, I’m left standing outside my own building, wondering how an otherwise lovely date acquired the atmosphere of a loan application.
I don’t know whether they’re curious, comparing expenses, or trying to establish something else entirely. I do know that I was enjoying myself before we got to my address.
So I’m curious: women, what do you say when this happens? And men who ask, what are you hoping to learn about someone you’ve just met from the price of her home?
