We’ve been talking for ten months, and we still haven’t met in person. She was a coworker of a friend of mine. That connection brought us into each other’s lives; the calls have kept us there.
I’m 27, and she’s 23. She’s working on her MBA, and she calls me every day, often whenever she has time between classes. Those little gaps in her schedule have become something I look forward to. It’s easy to get attached to someone when hearing from them becomes part of an ordinary day.
I have feelings for her. I think she knows, although I’ve never directly told her how I feel. Sometimes I get the impression there’s something on her side, too. But that’s an impression, and I’m aware of how much I want it to be true.
She has also told me something much more definite: we belong to different castes, and her family wouldn’t allow her to marry someone outside hers. I don’t know what that means for the way she sees me. Is she explaining an obstacle, or telling me where the boundary already is?
Then there’s the timing. She says she won’t marry until she’s 28. When I think about that future, I picture myself being 35. I’m trying to make sense of a timeline when we haven’t even established whether there’s a relationship to put on it.
The calls keep coming, and I keep enjoying them. That’s what makes this hard. Nothing has happened that makes me want to stop talking to her. It’s the possibility of wanting more, indefinitely, that worries me.
Should I tell her I love her? And if she doesn’t feel the same way, would I need to stop talking to her to get over it? I can imagine hearing her answer. What I can’t quite imagine is hearing her voice the next day and pretending nothing has changed.
