I didn’t expect to be asking strangers for dating advice, but my friends and I don’t really discuss relationships. Apparently, this leaves the internet in charge of my romantic development.
I’m in my late 20s, working abroad, and there’s a colleague I’d like to know better. She’s about two years younger and from the same country as me. Talking to her feels comfortable, which counts for something when you’re both away from home.
Another colleague told me she was single. That moved the possibility of asking her out from a vague thought to something I could worry about more efficiently.
I wouldn’t call it a huge crush. I just feel there might be something there. We work in different divisions, so we don’t spend much time together, but when we get a chance to talk, I try to keep the conversation going.
The problem is that I’m always the one who starts it. If I don’t say anything, she can go the whole shift without speaking to me. Our conversations are easy once they happen; getting them to happen seems to be my department.
Then one day it rained. She’d mentioned the day before that she used public transportation, so I offered her a ride home. It seemed like a reasonable opening: useful, casual, weather-approved.
She smiled and declined. I smiled back and asked, “You sure?” She said, “Yes, I’m sure.”
“All right, your loss,” I said, with a smug expression that probably suggested I had considerably more confidence than I did.
Nothing changed afterward. Things between us stayed the same. My willingness to ask her on an actual date, however, had apparently caught a bus home without me.
I’m used to rejection, although familiarity hasn’t made it a favorite activity. More than that, I don’t want to make work awkward or turn into someone she has to avoid. A declined ride might only mean she didn’t want a ride. Alongside the fact that I start every conversation, it feels harder to dismiss.
So I’m left wondering whether asking her out would clear things up, or whether she’s already given me an answer as gently as she can.
