Every year, my boyfriend goes out of town with his dad for a football game. For most of our year and a half together, that was exactly what it sounded like: a trip with his dad. I didn’t worry about what he might do when I wasn’t there. I trusted him completely.
I thought we had a beautiful relationship. I was happy, I felt deeply loved, and I believed I’d found everything I wanted in a partner. That confidence wasn’t something I felt alone. My friends and family saw the way he treated me, too.
This time, though, I felt uneasy about the trip. On his first night away, I dreamed that he cheated on me. A dream couldn’t tell me what he was actually doing, but the feeling stayed with me. Even after he came home, I couldn’t shake it.
Eventually, I checked his phone. He had created a Tinder account almost immediately after arriving at his destination.
That’s what I found. I don’t know everything that happened beyond it. But knowing that he’d made the account while we were together was devastating enough. While I still believed we were in the relationship we’d built, he’d gone away and signed up for a dating app.
He’s my ex now. That word is much easier to write than it is to absorb.
My friends and family are stunned. He was the last person any of us expected to do this. He’d talked about cheating as something cowardly, something he couldn’t understand anyone doing to a partner. I remember those conversations now and wonder how they fit with his own decision.
The discovery has reached backward into memories I used to love without hesitation. I don’t suddenly know that every good moment was false. I just can’t seem to leave those moments alone anymore. I keep looking at them with this new information beside them.
I’m heartbroken, angry, and confused. I felt so loved by him. I still don’t know how to make sense of the fact that the same person who gave me that feeling created the account I found on his phone.
