My boyfriend is 35, and recently I found myself explaining why he needs to wash his hands after using the bathroom. I’m 32. I had hoped this particular teaching opportunity was behind everyone involved.
At first, I reminded him. Then I reminded him again. I wasn’t conducting an investigation into his personal hygiene; I just wanted him to use the soap. After several prompts, I got upset enough that we finally had the full conversation.
His explanation was that his penis was clean.
This was apparently meant to settle things. Unfortunately, I had several follow-up questions about the rest of the bathroom, which had not received the same glowing character reference.
There are handles. There are faucets. There are surfaces other people touch. Even if I accepted his assessment of his own body without requesting supporting documentation, it still didn’t explain skipping the sink.
Once I spelled that out, he relented. He apologized, said he hadn’t thought about those things, and promised to do better. That was the response I’d wanted. I’m glad he listened instead of digging in.
But I’m still stuck on the reasoning that came before it. In his version, touching himself and then touching other people was fine because he considered himself clean. I find that gross, and there’s something about deciding that on everyone else’s behalf that feels disrespectful.
Part of me even wonders whether there’s a consent issue buried in there, although I know that might be me reaching for a bigger word while already upset. I’m uncertain about that part. I’m much less uncertain about wanting him to wash his hands.
Now he’s apologized, and I’m trying to figure out whether I can let the apology do its job. Have other people gotten past a discovery like this? Because the immediate argument is over, but his original defense is still sitting there, somehow expecting to be considered clean.
