I’ve always removed all my pubic hair. Completely bare has been my normal for so long that I haven’t given the alternative much room. Lately, though, I’ve been wondering what it would be like to let some grow back. Maybe I’d keep it trimmed. Nothing especially complicated, at least until I start imagining someone else’s reaction.
That’s where this small grooming decision turns into a much bigger production. I picture being with a guy for the first time, and suddenly I’m wondering whether a little hair would make a bad first impression. Would he find it unattractive? Would he think it was gross? I don’t have a particular reaction to point to. I’m worrying about one that hasn’t happened.
What bothers me is how quickly I can go from wanting to try something to wondering whether I need to explain it. I wouldn’t be making some grand statement. I’d just be changing a habit. Yet in my head, there’s already a moment where he notices, and I’m trying to read his face.
Porn probably deserves some credit for that little mental rehearsal. I’ve seen enough completely bare bodies that the look can feel like a requirement, even though I know how narrow that picture is. Knowing it and feeling relaxed about doing something different are apparently separate tasks.
I don’t even know whether I’d prefer having some hair. That’s the part I keep skipping. I might like it trimmed, or I might decide I liked my old routine better. So far, I haven’t really given myself the chance to find out before bringing an imaginary guy into the decision.
For now, I’m still considering it. A little growth, a little trimming, and then seeing how I feel. I just wish the thought of a first time with someone didn’t come with this extra question: would he notice a choice I liked, or would I spend the whole moment worrying that he wished I’d made a different one?
