I asked him out for coffee yesterday. A simple invitation: would he want to get together sometime next week? He hasn’t answered. The message was brief, but I have managed to give it an extensive afterlife.
Before our first date, we connected. Then we met, and the date didn’t go especially well. It was awkward enough that I understand why he might not want another one. Unfortunately, understanding that possibility has done very little to make me stop wanting one.
I know I’m attractive, and I know other men would take me out. That isn’t the part I’m struggling with. I tend to invest in one person instead of keeping several possibilities going, and my attention has settled firmly on this particular man. Apparently it did not consider availability a priority.
Now I’m debating whether to leave the invitation alone or send another message. The follow-up I’m considering would say that it’s fine if he doesn’t want to see me again, that I know the date was awkward, and that I’d appreciate him telling me directly.
Even as I think about sending it, I can hear how much I’m asking an unanswered coffee invitation to resolve. I want to know where I stand. I also want another chance with him. Those wishes are sharing the same proposed message, and neither is being particularly subtle.
I’m 36, and I spent 13 years in a relationship. That’s a substantial stretch of time to spend outside the business of wondering what a silence means. I feel rusty, especially when people talk about giving someone time to cool off as though there’s an agreed procedure I missed.
Does he come back on his own? Has he already lost interest? I think he isn’t interested, but some part of me is still waiting for him to contradict that assessment.
For now, there’s the invitation I sent yesterday and the second message I’m considering. I wanted coffee next week. I hadn’t expected quite this much to think about before anyone ordered.
