There’s a friend I’ve known since high school who I’m thinking about asking out. We’re adults now, and we barely talk, although I’ve stayed in touch with him more than with anyone else from that friend group. I like him as a person. I’ve never had anything against the idea of being with him.
I think he used to have a crush on me. Maybe he still does, but I don’t know. He hasn’t asked me out, and he doesn’t seem to have a girlfriend. There’s a lot of uncertainty tucked into the possibility before I even get to my part in it.
My part is that I’m lonely. I want someone to care about me, and that’s what’s pushing this thought forward. It feels uncomfortable to admit because I can hear how it might sound: an old friend becoming an option because I need something.
But I don’t have bad intentions toward him. If we dated, I would want to spend time with him, do thoughtful things for him, tell him he mattered. When I think about being a partner, I picture giving affection as well as receiving it. I wouldn’t expect him to do all the caring.
Still, I’m aware that listing the things I’d do doesn’t settle the question. I can imagine making an effort in a relationship, but we haven’t even had a date. Right now, I’m thinking about someone I like and wondering whether there could be something between us. I’m also thinking about how badly I want to feel important to somebody.
He might not be interested anymore. He might never have been interested in the way I assumed. Asking would at least give him the chance to answer, instead of leaving me to work from a possible crush and the absence of a girlfriend.
I’m quick to judge myself for wanting this, but judging myself hasn’t made the loneliness disappear. I haven’t asked him out. I’m still sitting with the question of whether liking him, being open to a relationship, and wanting someone to care about me are enough reasons to try.
