My girlfriend has always been a gold person. I know this. I also know she’s particular about clothes, accessories, and jewelry, which is why I generally avoid choosing those things for her. My gift strategy has traditionally involved recognizing my limitations.
When we talked about getting engaged, she said the proposal should involve something meaningful. Afterward, we could choose a ring she actually wanted to wear. That sounded like a sensible division of responsibilities: sentiment first, professional jewelry selection second.
For family reasons that don’t matter here, we ended up buying her engagement ring before I proposed. She chose a gold ring with diamonds, and I bought it. The question of whether she would like her engagement ring seemed unusually well resolved.
For the proposal itself, I decided to make a ring with my own hands. I’m not especially skilled at this sort of thing, so the jeweler suggested silver. Since she already had her chosen gold ring, I agreed. This one would be a keepsake from the moment.
I made a stacked ring because she’d mentioned liking that style a long time ago. I remembered the detail and worked it into the design. The finished ring was a little crude, but I thought that was understandable given the involvement of my hands.
Then she found out it was silver.
She was disappointed. She said that if I knew her, I would have made it in gold, because she no longer wore silver. I explained that I hadn’t intended this to be her everyday ring—or really something she needed to wear at all. It was meant to make the proposal personal. The gold engagement ring she loved was already hers.
That explanation didn’t improve matters. She said I could have bought a gold ring and had something meaningful engraved on it instead.
I thought making it myself was the meaningful part. She thought the metal showed I hadn’t listened. Now she’s still disappointed, and I’m trying to understand whether I got the proposal wrong despite having already bought the right ring.
