At this point in life, what would matter more to me: being sexually compatible with someone, or being compatible in almost every other way? I keep finding that the wording makes the choice sound easier than it is.
“Everything else” is a lot to fit into two words. It could mean enjoying each other’s company, sharing values, getting each other’s humor, or wanting a similar kind of life. Those are substantial things to put on one side of a question.
But sexual compatibility isn’t necessarily a small detail on the other side. Feeling comfortable together, being able to talk about what we want, and having desires that fit can be part of how close a relationship feels. I have trouble imagining treating that as an optional extra just because the rest looks good.
Then again, I can imagine strong chemistry making a mismatch elsewhere easier to overlook. Wanting someone and enjoying a life with them aren’t questions I can automatically answer the same way.
Maybe my answer would depend on how much was missing. A difference we could comfortably discuss feels different from a part of the relationship that leaves one of us consistently unhappy. The same would be true outside the bedroom.
I’m not asking whether an ideal partner would offer both. Of course that would simplify the conversation. I’m asking about the less convenient version: if one kind of compatibility were stronger than the other, which would I give more weight—and would your answer be different now than it used to be?
