I had already created a fake social media account when I started having second thoughts. My partner’s friend has a private profile. I was about to follow him so I could find his girlfriend and tell her he’s been cheating on her. Getting that far felt different from saying someone ought to tell her.
She lives abroad, and I’ve only met her a couple of times. We aren’t friends. From those brief meetings, she seems nice, but I can’t pretend I know much about her or their relationship. What I do know is that, for a couple of months, he’s been having sex with several other women, without using protection, while staying with her.
The explanations have been about what she might be doing. Maybe she’s seeing other men, too. Maybe she’s only with him for his money. There’s no proof of either claim. I keep coming back to how easily a possibility about her gets treated as a reason for something he’s actually doing.
They’re still in a serious long-distance relationship. She calls him almost every day, and they’re in constant contact. Distance hasn’t meant they’ve quietly stopped being a couple. As far as I can see, she’s continuing a relationship without being told something that could change whether she wants it.
My partner has talked to his friend about it several times. That matters to me: he hasn’t simply acted as though everything is fine. But those conversations haven’t changed anything. His friend won’t break up with her, and he won’t tell her about the other women. Asking him to handle it himself has left the decision with the person who keeps choosing secrecy.
So I suggested telling her. My partner said he didn’t feel good about doing that to his friend. I understand that there’s a history between them that I don’t share. Still, hearing his hesitation made this uncomfortable between us, too. I’m asking him to cross a line in a friendship; he’s asking, in effect, for information I already have to stay where it is. I don’t need to turn that into a verdict on my own relationship to admit it bothers me.
I told him I would find her online and let her know myself. I feel bad thinking about the time she’s putting into this relationship. The sex without protection also makes the concealment feel more personal than a secret about who went out with whom. She doesn’t have the same information he does about their sex life.
But I’m barely an acquaintance, and an unexpected message from a fake account could be hard to trust. Contacting her openly would make it clear who was speaking, while also putting me directly into a conflict with my partner’s friend. Staying out would avoid that confrontation, but she would still be left with whatever he chooses to tell her. None of that tells me how she would receive the news. I don’t know whether she would want to hear it from me.
I made the account to get past the practical problem of finding her. Now it exists, and I haven’t sent the follow request. Her name is still on the other side of his private profile.
