She has started showing up in my thoughts when I wake up. For a while, dating barely made it onto the list of things I wanted to spend time on. Now I’m wondering when I’ll see her again. That would be enough to make me nervous on its own. She also happens to be my best friend’s wife’s sister.
I’m 33, she’s 31, and this isn’t someone I met in a separate corner of my life. My best friend and I have known each other for about twenty years. He’s been with his wife for six, and over that time she has become as close a friend to me as he is. When they recently got married, I spoke on behalf of both of them. These are two people I care about deeply, together and individually.
For most of my twenties, I was in a nine-year relationship. It was toxic, and leaving took me longer than I wish it had. Once I was out, I liked having my time back. I wasn’t trying to replace that relationship with another one. I went on a few dates with people I met naturally, but nothing clicked, and my limited enthusiasm for dating wore off pretty quickly.
Her sister has also recently come out of a long relationship, hers lasting more than ten years. She’s been around more often, and over the past few weeks the flirting between us has changed. What started innocently has become a real attraction. I can feel myself wanting to make room for someone again, after getting comfortable with the idea that I wasn’t interested.
The happiness has caught me off guard. I’ve felt more giddy lately than I have in years. It seems there’s some of that on her side, too, although I can only describe my own feelings with certainty. Having a crush is one thing; recognizing a part of myself I thought I’d shut away is another. I didn’t go looking for this, which may be part of why it feels so disarming.
We’ve talked about the possibility that it could get serious quickly. There’s already a closeness here, and we’ve both spent years in long relationships. That makes the possibility appealing. It also means we’re noticing the stakes before we’ve even decided how far to go.
Her sister is worried as well and has sat us both down over the past few weeks. I understand why. If we tried a relationship and it went badly, the consequences might spread beyond the two of us. I worry about putting my best friend and his wife in a position where loyalty to a friend and loyalty to a sister feel difficult to reconcile. Nobody has had to make that choice. It’s a future I’m imagining, not something that has happened.
Right now, we’re taking it slowly, and I’m leaning toward continuing that way. I like what’s happening between us. I’m happy. But it’s been so long since I felt this way about someone that I keep examining every small turn, even while I’m looking forward to seeing her again.
