On our last date, my boyfriend told me he wanted to keep his chastity arrangement in place. He was saving his orgasm for a special date with his other girlfriend. Their date was the following week. The change in ours had already arrived.
I'm 42, he's 40, and his other girlfriend is around 30. He and I are both romantic partners and play partners. Over the past month, she has been exploring chastity and orgasm denial with him. That isn't an interest I find strange or difficult to understand. I enjoy that kind of play too. What I hadn't worked out was how an arrangement between the two of them would fit into the time he spends with me.
A recent date had seemed to offer one answer. He told me that, because he was on a date with me, I could decide whether the chastity device came off and he had an orgasm. I chose to end the restriction. There was room for our own preferences within what he was doing with her.
Then, on our last date, he said he wanted to continue the restriction for her special occasion. I didn't like it, but I let it go. The date was coming up soon, and I could accept that particular disappointment without knowing what I would accept as an ongoing arrangement. Those are different things, even if they can look identical when nothing more gets said.
His body is his to make decisions about. Being his girlfriend doesn't give me a standing right to any particular sexual activity, and enjoying the same kind of play doesn't mean I get a turn at choosing for him. I know that. It still leaves me with preferences of my own, including wanting our dates to leave space for the sex and play we both enjoy.
The uncomfortable part is the comparison I keep making. I believe his other girlfriend would be angry if I put him in chastity and that arrangement determined what he could do on a date with her. That's my understanding of how she would react, not a conversation we've had. Even so, it makes it harder to brush aside my own frustration as something I should simply absorb.
She practices parallel polyamory, so I can't discuss this directly with her. Whatever I need to understand about his choices has to come through him. I don't know whether this special date is a one-off exception or the first example of how future dates with me will work.
I can respect his decision and still be disappointed by what it means for our time together. What I haven't figured out is how often I can arrive for a date with my boyfriend and find that part of it has already been reserved for someone else's.
