I have a dinner date lined up for next weekend with a woman I can't stop smiling about. We've already had lunch, visited a museum, and walked by the river. Now I've arranged something a little more formal, and somehow the prospect of a lovely evening has become an urgent problem in my head.
I'm 31; she's 28. We've only been on a few dates, but we've connected emotionally and intellectually in a way I haven't experienced before. I like being with her, and thinking about her afterward has become a pleasure of its own. The spark is there. For once, finding it isn't the part I'm struggling with.
Until recently, dating hadn't gone especially well for me. My experience was mostly a series of one-night stands. That doesn't mean I knew exactly what I was doing then, either. But being interested in someone this way is unfamiliar: wanting more time with her, feeling the romance build, and caring about how the next step might change what we've started.
The dates so far have been gentle ones. Lunch, a museum, a walk: enough time to talk and discover that the conversation matters. I don't want to dismiss any of that as merely a preliminary round. Those are the dates that have made me so excited about this woman. Still, I want the attraction to go somewhere, too.
I have the impression that she's expecting me to move things forward at dinner. That's my understanding of where we are, rather than a script she's handed me. And moving things forward sounds reassuringly simple until I try to work out what I actually mean. A kiss? Making my romantic interest more obvious? The possibility of sex? I don't want to bundle all of that into one vague obligation and then spend the evening trying to fulfill it.
There's a difference between wanting her and knowing how to show it at a pace that feels romantic. I don't want caution to make me seem uninterested. Equally, I don't want to rush toward sex because that's the kind of encounter I have more experience with. What feels new here is the emotional connection, and I want any physical closeness to belong to it.
A more formal dinner gives me a plan for where we'll be, but it doesn't tell me how the evening will feel. Arranging the date was the manageable part. I can put something in the calendar; I can't schedule the moment when affection becomes a kiss, or know in advance whether we'll both want the same thing.
That's why I'm looking for a little perspective, especially from women: what would make a next step feel wanted and romantic, without making the whole date feel like a test? Dinner is still ahead of us. Right now, I have dinner in my plans, the smile I keep getting when I think of her, and far less confidence about what comes after the conversation.
